so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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