She is in my trunk
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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