she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
