I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
