If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All the doctor said was why
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
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