People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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