she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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