Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
