saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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