yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
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