my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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