I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
