i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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