Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He kissed a someone with a penis
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
