That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
