My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
