I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
