I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
