Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
