After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
