His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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