I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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