what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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