It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
