I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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