smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
