I think im going to throw up on grandma
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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