I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
