I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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