I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
