my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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