a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
