Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
