i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
