Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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