Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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