there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
