i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
