How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
