My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
