you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Send help, water and tortillas.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
