Umm I'm too high to move.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
