Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
