So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
