So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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