If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
