it hurts more in the daytime
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
This baby is an asshole
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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