I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
