I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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