Where is the hickey?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Who put my cat in the fridge?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
