woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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