So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
