Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
How naked do you want me to be?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
