I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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