in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
You need a sexual gate keeper
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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